Finding My Delight

I have always found it amazing how children can grow up in the exact same household, with the exact same set of parents and all turn out so very differently.  All of my kids are so different.  They are so unique and so special in their own little cute, quirky ways.  Cody has more get-up-and-go than I could ever hope to have.  He is seriously moving at 100 mph all the time.  The boy gets into these modes where he is just moving from one thing to the next, helping, helping, helping.   When I ask him to do something for me, he always does it right away and never complains about it EVER.  He loves to wake up early and get the day started.  He gets up in the morning and makes phone calls before I even get out of bed.  He calls my my mom, my dad, my husband…anyone whose number he can get, actually.  If you want to get on his calling list, just let me know.   He always has LOTS to say.  If you want to know information about us…just ask him.  He'll tell ya.  He's our talker, mover, worker.

Then there is Annie.  She is just the kindest, sweetest, most considerate little thing you will ever meet.  She is forever patient and sweet to her 4 brothers.  Jack's favorite saying right now is, "Annie.  Nice."  That really just sums it up.  She is just….nice.  She would never hurt a fly.  Actually, last week I was knocking wasp nests down off of my front porch with a broom, and she ran to me SOBBING…"DON'T!!! NOW where will the wasps live????"  She is so very sensitive….I just have to look at her somewhat crossly and my disciplining job is over.  She just melts. 

Then there is little Rafe.  Rafey.  Also sweet as can be….but he kinda knows it, and loves to take advantage of it.  He loves to snuggle and rock and he, too, is quite a sensitive little guy.  Rarely is in much trouble - although he and Jack tend to butt heads frequently.  He loves to make us laugh.  When he gets on a roll with someone laughing he doesn't want to stop.  He is just a comedian.  However, when I ask Rafe to do me a favor, you can count on a response kinda like this…"Ugh.  My legs are soooooooo tired.  This bowl is soooooo heavy.  The light is off upstairs.  It is soooooo far away.  My fingers are tired.  I have wobbly legs."  And that is just…Rafey.

Paul, of course, is just developing that sweet little personality, and JD and I often wonder what he will be like here in a few more months.  He is just sweet as can be at 4 months - just starting to smile and babble.  As I mentioned before….he does love arms.

And then….there is Jack.  Jack-Jack, as we like to call him.  Jack has definitely been the one that has kept us hopping the most.  It's so funny because around other people he is soooo quiet.  People always say that he is so sweet and quiet and shy.  And JD and I say….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!   And that is where this story leads…..(yes, I do have a point to this…I think)

Let me share with you about my little Jack.   Jack gets into…..EVERYTHING.  He does not stop moving.  EVER.  If he is quiet for more than 10 seconds…FIND HIM.  FAST.  If you are talking to me on the phone, it sounds like I have some tic where I yell out, "STOP!  NO!  DON'T DO THAT!" in between every sentence - I am talking to Jack.  He dumps out salt shakers on the kitchen table.  He throws squishy sand all OVER the kitchen.  He writes with sharpies on the kitchen floor, himself, the tables, the counters.  He sneaks out the door and into the wide, beautiful world to play.  He empties bookshelves.  He dumps cups of water out of the bathtub onto the floor.  He grabs toys from his siblings and RUNS.  He gets up on the computer chair and types as fast as he can and as much as he can before someone hears the keys and comes running.  (He somehow puts this darn computer into some kind of a sleep mode, and to this day I CANNOT figure out how he does it).  He gets into the pantry and steals…anything, really.  He is constantly pushing chairs up to the counters in the kitchen to see what he can find…butter, knives, toasters, bread rising in the sink, the list goes on forever. 

That is just the beginning, folks.  That is like, morning.  Between 10 and 11. It is absolutely exhausting.  So when Paul was born, it got really hard, because see….when he is doing those things, I have to go GET him.  And yet…I was spending approximately 22 hours a day nursing a baby.  Jack loved this.  He took advantage of my full arms to the fullest.   So about this time I was spending most of my time telling Jack, "NO!!!!!" 

And, honestly, folks….I was just downright frustrated.  I was tired…so tired.  And he made me MOVE.  Run after him, chase him, clean up after him, stop nursing to stop him from doing something naughty.  And in case you haven't gathered from up to this point….it was pretty much nonstop.  All. Day. Long.

So here is where my confession comes in.

As much as I love that little boy…SO, SO much…I was not BEING very loving.  I spent so much of my time running after him and telling him no, that is pretty much all he was hearing from me.  I ran across this article one day, and I'm sorry to say I cannot remember where it was.  But it talked about letting your children know that you delight in them.   Talk about feeling convicted.  Wow.  With Jack, without even realizing it, my impatience and tiredness had stolen my delight right out of our relationship.  I had quit looking for good things that he did because I was too busy seeing the messes.   I needed to do something about this quickly, but had no idea what to do.  So I did the only thing I knew could fix this problem.

I prayed.

I prayed that the Lord would help me to truly delight in my little boy again.  To see in him the wonderful little guy that he really is.  To look beyond the messes and orneriness and just take time to LOVE him.  And do you know what?

The Lord answered my prayers.

It was so simple, really.  What does every child need?  Attention.  Love.  Hugs.  Snuggles.  PRAISE.  So I started looking - and do you know what?  He does so many things that merit that praise.  I was just too busy to notice.  If he was good for 2 minutes I was trying to get something done quickly.  When I set Paul down for a nap, I was too busy to hold him because I was racing around to catch up on laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. 

So I stopped.  And I started noticing.  When he did something good, I told him what a good boy he was.  When he wanted held, I took a minute and picked him up.  When he wanted a story, I set Paul down and read him one.  And do you know what?  His behavior changed so much.  He listened better.  He didn't get into stuff as much.  And the best part is that I have started to see all of the sweetness in him.  He holds Paul's hand in the car during EVERY car trip.  He loves to help me in the kitchen.  He notices the coolest things - trucks, birds, tractors - and gets sooo excited about them.  He shares his toys so nicely when he is asked nicely.  He helps pick up when I ask him to.  He loves to paint.  He loves to snuggle. 

And, most importantly, he NEEDS me.  He needs me to show him how much I love him.  He needs me to be patient while I train him.  He needs me to pick him up and hold him.   He needs to be rocked and snuggled. 

He needs to know that I delight in him.

He needs to hear it and see it.   So now I tell him as often as I can, "Jack, you are a delight to me!"  And he smiles and says, "Ya…light."  And I ask him as often as I can if I can hold him, snuggle him, read to him, etc.  It has made a world of difference.  And do you know what?  Mostly, the problem was just my attitude.  It wasn't Jack at all.

He still gets into stuff…cause he's Jack.  He is ornery as can be….just Jack.  I still have to say 138 times a day, "NO, Jack!"  But now….that isn't all I see or say.  I see all the goodness about him because the Lord showed me how I can delight in my little boy through all those messes and my own exhaustion, and say to him with heartfelt meaning, "Little Jack - you are a delight to me!"